Then man, on the other hand, consisting of only two clauses seemed slightly more primitive by first glance:
1) Be naked
2) Bring beer
Years ago a colleague of mine, a fine lady, was blessed with
a seemingly healthy relationship, which amazed a younger collegue of ours. This
made him inquire the source of fortune bestowed upon her and the whys behind
it. Without thinking she responsed: ”it’s easy. I just give him sex
occasionally, make sure there’s beer in the fridge and keep my mouth shut when
there’s hockey in the telly.”
Later
on I gave this some semi-serious thought. I figured she was right. It’s easy to
forgive a lot in a relationship if the foundation is laid well. ”So beer it is
and a drunken bloke manning the couch watching sports”, I hear you say. Hail the good king Alcohol and his merry men!
They
say that a glass of red wine is healthy, so two must be superfood; although
three is massive consumption – at least on regular weekdays. Dorothy Parker
said it best: ”One martini is about right, two at the most; after three I’m
under the table, after four I’m under the host.”
Our
society is built on on rules. Some of these rulings make laws, others norms.
Our thoughts are strongly influenced by the public opinion. To sin is to be
despised. One commiting adultery is frowned upon.
Travelling without a ticket on a commuter-train, then again, is close to heroism.
The king Alcohol is a bit entangled subject. On one hand it
is generally prohibited, with the other often enjoyed. Even the age makes a
difference. When younger it was most exciting to have that one-too-many and
dive into the epic adventure awaiting.
There’s
no law in western countries to deny the
consumption of alcohol along the week, although the norm-opposition might
disagree. Most of the time one is not allowed, for example, to go to work while
shit-faced, or even when slightly intoxicated – especially if one gets caught!
Even home-coming might go ballistic if you had a little too much fun earlier in
the evening.
Now,
I perfectly well understand the working under influence (WUI?). This is not
safe. Besides, we are rather jealous folks and if the other is having
more fun at the work than you it’s definately a reason to be sore of. But at
home? Is the dear mrs. so worried about the health and injuries of the wild boy,
or the ill-use of his money, that she’ll be willing to let the whole hell break
loose (including the hounds!)?
If
it’s a health issue then one better read five chapters backwards and read
again from the part explaining the healthieness of sour grapes. In case this is
not convincing then there remains an empirical test ran (my careful studies
claim 3000 years) through-out the history by man-kinds: The alcohol relieves
stress.
Many-a-time
when a man has had that infamous one-too-many, spills his guts to the bouncer and
makes his way home, there awaits a Brave new man in the morning. Given few hours, shower and sympathy he’s
ready to test his strenght again against the world for the sake of his family.
The
woman with the more specified instructions now is a more ready-made apparatus,
although the last paragraph (”A woman holds a right to change her mind
according to the current mood”) remains confusing for the man-kinds.
A
man, a more primitive creature, needs to fulfill his ancient rites occasionally
to be able to execute his daily chores and protect, love and listen to his
woman. In case one disagrees with this I
give you one advise: Run. Run and don’t look back!
Happy Women’s Day! Ugh!
- Puolihalvaantunut kokki
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